trenches of motherhood

so, first of all...i have to giggle (even in my grumpiness). as i opened up my blog to post i realized i had a draft waiting to be finished. it was started the day i was packing for our disney trip (yeah, a whole other blog post in itself, i am sure i will get to that next year) and it was so true. i honestly could not find anything i needed although i had seen it just that morning. here we go:

having a severe case of the soot sprites hiding things from me in the house. i think they may have run off with my brain too. in fact, i am quite sure i saw it on the cat bus (not the savannah kind) when it ran off into my backyard.

not that crazy. totoro.

anyone seen that movie? if so, you know what i am talking about. if not, you think i am a lunatic. pick your poison.

anyways - today i am grumpy. wait, in my defense maybe i am not grumpy - i am just spent. like done. stick a fork in me for real. well done, in fact. today was just one of those days. you know the kind, they can sometimes start of wonderfully and then take a turn south reaaaaaaalllly quick. or, it can start off in the shitters and never seem to find its way out. well, today started out great - but the recipe for disaster was already there. i am tired, louisa is tired, nash is tired and getting over sickness and did i mention i was tired? and for me, it isn't that kind of tired when you need a nap. it is the "i haven't really slept or sat still in 6 years" kind of tired. you know, your bones hurt and honestly just the sound of the word "mommy" makes you want to either stand still enough that some little pint-size will think you are a statue or it will make you want to go and hide. old jimmy buffett had it right when he said he had good days and bad days and going half mad days.

let's all be honest. it is hard to be a parent. it is so much fun and awesome and rewarding, but some days it just makes you want to stick your fingers in the electrical sockets just in the small chance people may think you've lost it completely and leave you alone for 5 minutes. there, i said it. tonight as i took the trash out as i could hear the screaming in the background i wondered exactly how long i could take to do this simple task. how long could i go off the map? and do you want to know the most warped part about wondering how long i can go off the map...the twisted reality is this. not long. you know why? because i would miss them. oh the curse of motherhood. they drive you to the point of insanity and then push you straight over the line without a second thought, but then the most amazing part of it all is that even in your moments of insanity, you cannot live without them. not even for a second. you miss the snot-covered fingers that are wiped all over you legs that haven't seen a razor in far too long. you feel lonely without your sidekick following you everywhere and staring at you while on the potty. you miss the 3,940,110 random facts and questions that blurt out of your 6 year old's mouth all day, every day. it is a very slippery slope, my dears and one that has been perfected by the best of them.

so, anyways - today tried my patience. i have horns and no longer want anyone to look at me or talk to me for the rest of the night. ugh, i honestly hate when that happens but have yet to find a magical cure to make these moments of pure exhaustion go away. so, to calm my nerves i decided to sit down and catch up on the last few weeks of crazy-town.

nash turned 2. i think a lot of his absolute terror comes from the lone fact that he is that lovely, magical number 2. a huge communication barrier stands between the two of us causing even more frustration and moment of non.stop.crying. seriously, today i think he cried for 3 hours straight. why? i have no clue. but i am sure the neighbors were just about ready for him to be put to bed. he asked for milk, and when i would usually say no (they child would be happy drinking nothing but milk and eating nothing else) i said yes since he was struck BAD last week by that nasty stomach bug and lost some lbs. well, that caused an absolute meltdown. then, he asked to sit on the swing beside me, so i put him up there which brought him to a new level of meltdown. he asked for a cutie, so i have him a cutie and he just fell on the floor in tears. so you see, i throw up my hands and just step over the wailing child and try not to lose my mind. (amy's mind...yo yah?) 

but on the other side of that slippery slope i was just telling you about, he is the most adorable thing i can think of and can do no wrong. he is trying his hardest to talk all the time and his voice and words just make me melt. his love of all things trucks, cars, trains, etc is just about irresistible and they way he loves animals seriously makes me die. and when he is not starting another world war, he is the sweetest thing there ever was. but he is definitely a child of extremes, he is either one or the other. there is no in between. 

 

love it, one day he will kill me for this picture.

look at this poor sweet, sick baby. all glassy-eyed and lethargic. this was the day he wound up in the hospital. poor guy couldn't stop throwing up. he broke my heart! 

 louisa turned 6 and rode the bus home from school today. oh my gorsh. yeah, i just said that. seriously, holy shavickities where is the time going? she also had her first slumber party. i am sure next week we will be picking out cars for her. we took her to disney for her birthday since she has wanted to go forever but we could never justify the cost on resident's salary. so, we went and i honestly think she had the time of her life. as i said, i will post about that trip probably next year when i sit down to blog again, but she absolutely loved it. she continues to be a handful, but not nearly as much as when she was younger. our major issues lately have been with her obsession to push the rules and see how far she can go with her boundaries and behavior. while it makes me absolutely insane and cuckoo nanas, i have to appreciate the fact that poor girl gets it honest. one day i will be so thankful that she has a mind of her own and wants to question things and stand up for herself and push to the extreme limits. but right now, i am still trying to figure out how to handle my behavior/thinking/action clone. miss independent plus mrs independent doesn't always equal a nice, even, pretty number. we are sometimes like two stubborn goats butting heads over and over and over again without wanting to back down. momma goat is trying her hardest to figure out the best way to show who's boss while still letting her baby be independent and think for herself without discouraging it. it wears me out.

she finally has a loose tooth. thank goodness for that too since the new one is already growing in behind it. yikes. and if there is one thing this momma doesn't do, it is loose teeth. i cannot stand a wiggly tooth. oh my word. i can lose my lunch just thinking about it. here's hoping daddy is always around for the ones that need to come out. gags.

pouty-mcpouterson herself. wonder where she got that from...

 

 

well, sitting down and blogging has been a great use of time. i don't feel as grumpy anymore, but i sure have a bad case of indigestion and sitting hunched over in this chair isn't making things pretty. maybe i will go sit on the screen porch and love a labrador. that always makes things better. 

 

but before i go, just a little peek into the shenanigans...

 

 i absolutely adore this picture. seriously, i love it.

Amy....yo yah?

Because if Nash was looking for me, and he called me Amy...that is what he would say. Yo yah?

Imagine that, in the 3 month hiatus I took from the blog the baby started talking. Oh wait, and he turned 2. So technically he isn't a baby any more. Oh crap, when did that happen?

Luckily for me, while I have fallen off the face of the Earth lately...I have been able to watch my kids grow. And yes, I still wonder how in the world baby Nash just turned 2, but I am so glad I took more time out of my day to notice it. My last post about refusing the rat race really hit home for me. I challenged myself to change. And well, for those that know me...this will be no surprise, I tend to love a challenge. And even more so, I tend to like to blow the socks off of things. I am one of those people that is so competitive I don't even like to compete. Real obnoxious, I know. That right there is probably the sole reason I never played professional basketball. Well, that and the fact that I am 4'11" and have no desire to play basketball. But, you get the point.

In the last 3 months I have had a blast. I am really loving living in Athens. I never imagined life could be so fun. I don't think I took the time to realize exactly how stressed out I was in Jackson, spending every waking minute devoted to brownie-goose, and trying to survive the life of the wife of a resident. I am not so laid back that I no longer shave under my arms (although Byron may want to disagree with me there) and am at the point of burning my bras, but I am finally at a point that I realize the only thing I HAVE to do in the day is make sure my kids are fed, loved, clean, etc and anything extra is just a bonus. It is the most liberating thing in the world. I no longer cringe when I move the same item from my to-do list from Monday to Tuesday to Wednesday and then later just forgetting it and marking it off completely. Shit happens, and as long as you watch out not to step it in...it will all be right as rain.

Now, while I am busy tooting glitter and unicorns, let me bring myself back to reality and be honest and say things aren't always fabulous. Let's not get carried away. I still have 2 young hooligans that try my patience and make me want to drink too much wine on occasions. I still have moments where I yell at them and then am absolutely MORTIFIED with myself only minutes later wishing I could take it back. But, that is life, and life with Louisa and Nash is faaaaaar from perfect, but it is pretty fun. Not to mention entertaining.

I find I don't take as many pictures anymore. I think this is mostly because with Nash I usually have my hands full. Plus, he never stays still long enough to focus on, much less to capture a moment.

With that said...sit back, grab a cold one (or water, if you want to be square, haha just kidding. kinda) and get ready for 3 months worth of photos. I promise not to do this again. Or at least, I think I promise. 

Picking out of the Chrimma tree. I think we all remember how I feel about a Christmas tree. Yeah, bah humbug I know. I will try to save myself from you thinking I am a total Christmas decoration square by telling you that I made these really fun moss wreaths for all of my windows here on West Clover. I really did love how they turned out, you know me, I am a glutton for non-traditional punishment. After I said a few dozen or so bad words from getting burned by the stoooopid glue gun and being stuck to my moss by those crazy glue gun stringy things, I hung them up and really liked them. But, I soon realized they kinda clashed with the peeling paint and dirty brick and would look much better if the house were painted and taken care of. Wait, that is a whole other blog post. Stay on track Amy.

Anyways, the kids loved the tree farm. Nash was way more concerned with the stumps, rocks and bugs than anything, but put that child outside and he is good to go.

PS - check out that triangle finger. Oh be still my chubby-baby loving heart. And shame on me, but I cannot help but giggle at the photo below and how Nash's head looks like it is shaped like Frankenstein thanks to some crazy hair.

Byron teased the kiddos by trying to convince them to cut down some non-traditional trees.

I was all for this one. I mean, I can manage a tree like this. No ornaments or lights needed. Score.

But, at the end of the day, we brought home a real tree. And my sweet husband decorated it, put lights on it and took it down. Back off ladies, he's mine.

Back at the homestead, it was time for the Norris family Christmas traditions. Byron reads the Cajun version of 'Twas the night before Christmas.

Mallard guards Santa's cookies while drooling all over the hardwoods.

Murray eats the tree and bats the ornaments all over the floor.

Byron plays old school Nintendo.

And then the magic of Christmas morning. Mallard LOVES Christmas. Poor Lucy didn't get any pics because she doesn't get up the stairs thanks to all her blown ACLs. Poor girl. But I think secretly she enjoys the peace and quiet while all the hooligans (Mallard included) are upstairs.

No wax paper needed on this slide. Whoa nelly.

While I was going through pictures on the camera, I found these of one of the hawks that lives in our backyard. Crazy, right? But I love them. And for more reasons just than they will eat snakes out of my yard. I would probably sound like the biggest nerd ever if I admitted how much time I spend watching them. They are beautiful and a lot of fun to watch. They let you get fairly close (not that I have tried to pet one or anything, but I just know by accident I have looked up only to realized I am feet from one of their dangerously ragged talons). I took these with my 35 mm, just to give you an idea of how close.

Isn't it/he/she beautiful?  It hasn't let me close enough to figure out male versus female...I think for the safety of all involved I will refer to it as it forever. They come and go, and I haven't seen them in a few weeks. Which probably explains our little mouse problem. And I wish I meant Nash's obsession with Mickey the mouse. No, I mean rodents. Now, I love an animal. Don't get me wrong, but I am really not into housing of the rodents. Not my kind of thing. But then again, I don't want to kill them either, which explains the overbearing peppermint oil smell in my house and all of the cotton balls stuck in the HVAC registers. Just in case you came over and thought I was weird, or a great housekeeper. The latter is totally true. Promise.

Okay, now that I just spilled the beans about the mice I realize I am rambling. It is time to get up, get some coffee and get back to taxes. Not to forget that little blond fireball that needs getting from school...

 

 

Refusing the Rat Race

Bet you thought I had fallen off the face of the earth, huh?

Or maybe I was eaten by the renovation monsters...

Or overwhelmed by life, as I tend to be sometimes?

Well, to be completely honest...none of the above are true. I just have been shady. That's it. And loving every minute. Over the last couple of months I have sort of taken a step back from the everyday craziness and rat race that is known as life these days and just sort of REFUSED. I was getting a little tired and worn out of the pace that I was working at and one night as I lie in bed worrying the snot out of myself over all the things I had to do the next day, week, month, etc. I had a little come to Jesus meeting with myself. This is how it went.

Running the Rat Race Amy: Oh my gosh I am so stressed and busy and feeling overwhelmed that I could honestly just throw up my toenails. Which are seriously and tragically ingrown. Ugh, that reminds me, I need to do surgery on my ingrown toenails. Ugh, now I have to add that to the list of things to do and when am I going to do that? (Insert panic attack slowing rising to the occasion over ingrown toenails - that, my dears, is how out of control I was getting)

Reasonable, normal Amy that is slowly accepting that she is just that, NORMAL, Amy: Really? Did you just hear yourself? Because I did and I think you are stooooooopid and a tad out of control. Are you really about to have heart skippies over your ingrown toenails?

Running the Rat Race Amy: OH MY GOSH, yes. Don't make it seem trivial. I have too much to do. I have to clean house, I have to go to the grocery, Louisa has this, that and this, Nash is sick for the 3,484th time since we moved here and I have to run to Target with him screaming and carrying on, I have to go scrub the baseboards (haha, just kidding...was seeing if you were still paying attention), I have to pick up the dry cleaning, I have to find a sitter for this night, I have to go to the ATM to get money for the sitter, I have an email inbox full of people waiting for me to email them back, I have new patterns I want to draft, I have sewing for Louisa I want to do, etc., etc., etc.

Reasonable, normal Amy that is slowly accepting that she is just that, NORMAL, Amy: Okay, that is it. You are going over the deep end over such silly, everyday things that it is quite clear you are overwhelmed by all this that you seem to feel the need to do. Let me let you in on a secret. This is what you have to do tomorrow - wake up, thank God for opening your eyes another day, thank God for the amazing husband that has already showered before the crack of dawn and is ready to start his day working hard so he can provide for you, thank God that this man loves you no matter. Then, after you are done thanking Him for all of that, thank Him for those 2 beautiful children of yours that are growing up faster than you would like. Thank Him for blessing you as their mother. Then, thank Him for your sweet brown dog, Lucy Goose and striped kitty. And while on the subject of friends, tell Him how much you adore all of the wonderful friends He has brought into your life. After you are finished with those thank yous and blessings, then you can get out of bed and make sure your children have a great day knowing that they are loved. THAT my dear Running the Rat Race Amy is all you HAVE to do tomorrow. Everything else is a just a bonus. If at the end of the day you cannot cross anything off of your so-called to-do list, take comfort in those kids, that husband and those sweet animals of yours and know that if they are still in your life, you have had a GREAT day. And that is all. And then, get over yourself.

Running the Rat Race Amy: (after a long pause in which anxious Amy was trying to come up with a rebuttal) You know what, you are so right. (Amy never enjoys admitting she is wrong) I don't NEED to do anything. I don't NEED to be Amazing Amy. I need to be me, and I need to be there for my animals, my kiddos, my husband, my friends and myself. I need to get over myself.

And that my dears, although not exactly how it went down but close enough that you get the point, is how I had a turning point. I promised myself right then and there that from here on out, I would refuse the rat race. I would not go there again. I would wake up and be thankful, and I would go to bed being thankful that I have been blessed with another day, whether I got anything accomplished or not. I realized I had almost gotten into the habit of telling people, when they asked how I had been, that "I've been busy." (Phoebe, try not to laugh too hard at me on that one) And you know what, that just sucks. I want to tell people I have been great. Not busy. I do not wish to be defined by the race. I hereby announce myself disqualified. Confession: I've never really been a great sport anyway. :)

Now, Normal Amy still has her moments. She is human, and sometimes gets caught up and tries to pace with Rat Race Amy. But thankfully, it never lasts long. Normal Amy is getting used to being shady, and doing things on her on time. It's been nice.

So, obviously blogging was one of the things on my to-do list that I just haven't gotten around to. So, tonight I am going to try my best to get as caught up on life on West Clover as much as I can.

So, here goes...

If I could pick a theme for the last 2 months, this picture would summarize it.

  

Sickness and grumpiness has plagued the Norris family. Never in my life as a mother have my children been SO sick SO often. Out of control is what it is. Since the renovation is finished (that is a whole other blog post) I am having the ducts cleaned in the house as a last resort. I have always thought of the whole duct-cleaning hoopla as hog-wash, but I tell you...I am grasping at straws here. We have gone through an unmentionable amount of children's motrin and thermometers. Momma is done, and I know the kids are done too. Lawsy goodness. Goodbye germs, good riddance. Don't let the door (which by the way, that doorknob always falls off - no you didn't break it, promise) hit you on the way out.

But, on a make you smile note...we celebrated Mallard's (my beloved brown dog) 11th birthday in September. It is no secret how much this dog means to me. Byron will even tell you he falls lower on the totem pole than Brownie. This birthday was a bit bittersweet to me for a reason I cannot talk about long because I will be in tears and huddled in the fetal position in the corner of the room. I know my days are limited with my sweet brown boy. I cannot deny that he is aging and getting up there and I know that I won't always have him on my side of the bed moaning and groaning like he does when I tell him I love him before I go to bed. I cannot think of life without him. So, instead of dwelling on it and thinking about it (which makes me have a humongo lump in my throat and in a foul mood) I just embrace my brown boy and continue to spoil him rotten like I do anyways. :) 

I swanny I love these dogs more than I love most humans. True story.

This picture is JUST for you Katie and Dave...notice the wide-mouthed grin. It is like he is posing for his license!

Halloween this year was a lot of fun, crazy runny nose aside. Nash was much more into participating this year. He wasn't to keen on the whole ewwy-gooey insides of the pumpkin though...but honestly, can you blame him? Gag. And on a funny note - since Rat Race Amy is taking  a hiatus, we bought our pumpkin the day before Halloween on clearance for $2.50 and carved him last minute. Somehow a pumpkin just wasn't high up on that list of things to do. :)

To say I had a wild indian on my hands is a huuuuuge understatement. Oh dear me. That boy...

 

 

 

 

 

 Speaking of that boy, my oh my. I used to have a sweet baby Nash that was so sweet all the time and just happy go lucky and go with the flow, and now, this is what I see most of the time.

 

Grumpy, grumpy, grumpalumpagus. Now, mind you...were are in that awful, want to pull all your hair out because you are both so frustrated with each other and there is a huge communication gap phase of the beloved 18-24 months, you know - those crucial years before the terrible twos hit. Louisa has always been a handful, but I don't remember her causing me this much wine-drinking at that age.

But then, he turns into this kiddo who just melts my heart.

Those kids are sneaky. Just when you think you cannot take anymore they act all sweet and innocent and you feel the need to smell the spot on the back of their neck where their hair hits and they always smell so good. And you are mush again. At least until the next meltdown, in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Speaking of meltdowns, my sweet Louisa. Sadly enough (never thought I would miss it) she no longer creates tons of drama in our lives (knock on wood, knock on wood, knock on wood). Don't get me wrong, you still must walk on very thin ice around this fireball, but she's growing up so much that I cannot even believe it. However, I thought I would indulge yall in this lovely Louisa-ism from today. She still has it. :)

Lou: Mommy, do you know about the Indians and Pilgremlins? (no, that is not a typo...she really has them combined with gremlins, and you know I am not about to correct her!)

Me: (muffling a giggle) I do Lou, but it has been a looooong time since I learned about them in school.

Lou: Yeah, because you are so old. Did they have Pilgremlins when you were in school?

Me: Ummm, yes Louisa. I am not that old! Goodness.

Lou: Well, I just kind of felt bad for the Indians and Pilgremlins when we learned about them today. We were looking at pictures and they didn't really look happy to be there on Thanksgiving.

Me: Oh really? That is sad. Maybe the person who was hosting was a bad cook. Hehe.

Lou: (silence while she is considering it) Nah, I think it is because none of them were wearing pink or purple. OR sparkles. I mean, Mommy...people need to know you cannot have any real fun without sparkles.

Love her. My own little Fancy Nancy.

 

Okay, now that I have typed forever and a day and my glass of wine is now gone, it is time for me to wrap this thing up and head up to bed. I promise to have renovation pictures at some point, but I really want to do before and afters so you don't get all bored. And let's face it, at the rate Normal Amy works, it may be a year before rooms are finished. :)

On a lighter note to wrap things up...here is a reel of bloopers. This is what I like to call "Trying to Take Photos Of and With My Children These Days." Enjoy and laugh, because you know it too well, right?

Seriously. That just happened.

 

It is all fun and games until someone needs a real picture. :) Mom, you asked about a family picture...does this answer why it may be some time before you get one?