The title of this post is something that I know nothing of anymore. I think the last time that I can honestly say that I enjoyed sleep was my first trimester of being pregnant with Louisa. When I wasn't working (and since I only worked 3-4 12 hour shifts a week, this was often) I would get up, eat breakfast and then nap. Get up, eat lunch and then maybe get something done around the house, and then nap. You get the point, and Byron was gone for 2 months doing away rotations, so there wasn't anyone in the house to judge me, except the dogs, and Mallard LOVES for someone to take a nap. But, I guess it is a good thing that I slept then, because little did I know what I was going to be in for once the baby came. Not to mention the lovely third trimester when I was big as a house and wasn't able to lay in bed without something hurting.
Enter into my world Louisa Kate, born on March 30, 2007. Hello Lula, goodbye sleep. From day 1, she was not a sleeper. Newborn babies sleep, this child didn't. I didn't know any better though, since it was my first go at it. She also cried all the time, whether you were holding her or not. Oh yeah, she didn't eat either. I mean, nothing was as it was supposed to be, and I just thought that I was just clueless as to how hard babies were. Well, long story short, after numerous people told us, "Oh, don't worry, once she turns 3 months it will all be fine." Then it became, "Well, that 6 month mark is much better" to "9 months should be a good age for her." All those age markers came and went and I still had a child that didn't sleep, cried all the time and didn't eat. Add on the labels of colic (don't even get me started with that), sensory issues, reflux, possible failure to thrive, oh and the ever popular "well, you just had your second baby first." We had all these fancy things to think about that were wrong, but no solutions. None. Byron and I just adapted. I got used to having bags under my eyes, I became okay with a child that didn't want to eat, I just made do with what I had and almost became bitter with other people and their babies that slept, never cried and ate with no problem. I just didn't get it, it wasn't fair.
Well, once the 18 month mark hit and nothing was any different, I decided to put matters in my own hands and have her see a sleep specialist. Long story short (especially for those who have read from the beginning, if not, you can look in archives of last fall for updates) after 2 sleep studies, 1 GI probe and an MRI, we were told what was blatently obvious, our child had a sleep disorder. Genious, right? Basically, she is a nightmare (no pun intended) of a sleeper. Her sleep is so sensitive it is ridiculous I cannot even begin to explain. She has night terrors all night, and she screams out and she sweats and she cries. It is one of the worst things to hear as a mom in the middle of the night, especially knowing that I can't make it go away. It is awful, for all involved. I don't know if I remember the last time I (or Louisa for that matter) slept the entire night through. I am exhausted, and I know that she is and really and truly hope that is why she has such bad behavior sometimes. Today was AWFUL, I mean awful. I don't remember the last time I cried so many times out of frustration and just plain exhaustion. Let me just replay out last night to give some of you a clue into our nights in this house:
7:30 - she goes to bed. Same bedtime ritual as always.
10:15 - nightmare #1, this one isn't so bad, she calms herself down and goes back to sleep
11:30 - she needs to go potty, so we get up and go potty
12:30 - I finally call it a night after sewing
1:15 - nightmare #2, I realize I need to go in there and calm her down, but as soon as I get out of bed and to her door, she falls back asleep
2:30 - she needs to go potty, so we get up and go potty
2:40 - "I don wanna go back seep. I not tired no more, I sept good." Typical Lula behavior
3:35 - nightmare #3, I go in there to calm her down as she is screaming, "No, no, go way!!"
4:25 - nightmare #4, I get out of bed to my door and she falls back asleep
7:30 - she wakes up
So, as you can see...nighttime is NO fun in our house. There is only so much good, quality sleep you can get inbetween those periods of time. And for all that wonder, many of the sleep doctors tell you to sleep on the opposite side of the house from your kids and don't keep a monitor and just let them be. Okay, this is what I have to say about that. 1. We are not buying a new house, and 2. of course, a man would say this...but what kind of Mom is really going to either not be able to hear their child or would be willing to just ignore it? I mean, I know for a fact that I wouldn't sleep just because I would be worried about what was going on in her room, self-induced? Maybe, but you be a Mom to this and tell me what you would do.
As I am writing this I am wondering, I mean, who even cares. Maybe no one does, maybe people are tired about hearing about this. But, it makes me feel better. I needed the vent session. Today was a bad day. I am hoping that we will have a decent night tonight. The sleep deprevation is starting to get to me. I even got full-blown baby fever the other day for the first time. I mean, I was honestly thinking of how great it would be to have another one. But seriously...who the crap am I fooling? Talk about no sleep. I would be up every 2 hours nursing one while I was in the other one's room every other hour chasing away nightmares. And there it is for the night, here it is 10:37 by my computer clock and nightmare #1 is taking place in Lou's nursery. Please, make it all go away.
Just a picture to remind me how stinking cute she is and what a trooper she really is.