Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Confessions of a Bad Housekeeper

Okay, there are some posts that I honestly think I have lost my mind that I share certain info with the entire world. This is going to be one of those. Another one of those is this one right here, yikes. Oh well. There are blogs out there that are perfect and shiny and beautiful and everyone smiles and laughs and bakes cookies in clean ovens and the moms wear aprons and you can almost drink from the clean toilets (oops….apparently we do that here too, at least Louisa does for tea parties) and eat off the baseboards while you are at it all the while children are dressed in real clothes (not pj’s at noon or their princess dresses for the umpteenth day in a row) and the mom wears heels. I used to read those blogs and want to be just like that. And in trying, I soon forgot the more important things in life. My baseboards will never be in the condition for you to eat off of them. They will always have pet fur on them. I think they like it. I don’t bake cookies; it is worth it to me to buy them. I don’t wear heels, unless Danskos count. I average a shower every other day. And my child sometimes will stay in her pj’s all day, because it makes her happy. We have fun here. Don’t expect to come over with your white gloves, because if you do you will leave with them dirty, but knowing you had a good time. There will probably be a naked baby doll or two laying around, my child will probably be throwing a full-fledged fit and I will step over her and continue on. We won’t eat at my dining room table because that is where all my laundry is and has been for weeks. I will say, “Excuse the mess” when you walk in the door, because that is what I do. It makes me happy. I tend to be an extremist, and things will consume me faster than I know it, so thankfully I have given up on being the “perfect blog.” We are real here, we say bad words, my child has poor table manners, we watch TV and GASP we pick up dinner sometimes too. Welcome to my house, this is the way we roll. So, I say to my beloved stalkers out there, after reading this post and seeing the FOUL pictures, you will do one of two things. 1. You will love it, and breathe a little easier knowing that “we” people do exist, and admit it or 2. You will think I am a complete and udder lunatic and be grossed out and remove me from your favorites. I hope you stay, because we do have a good time.

So, now onto the confessions since my wordiness has taken hold again.

Confessions of a bad housekeeper #2,395: I don’t clean my oven. Ever.

It is gross, and it was like this when we bought the house. So, in other words, this is about 50 to 60 years of oven-goo. Ovens just aren’t a priority for me. I don’t use them very often, so I really could care less about them. However, as I was cooking my delicious sandwich today (I say cooking, but it was just melting some cheese on top of left-over grilled chicken from last night on some French bread – if you are wondering why I didn’t use a toaster oven, it is because we for some reason cannot keep one alive in our house) it began to smell like someone was in my house smoking a dirty cigarette and burning some nasty smelling stuff at the same time. I *almost* lost my appetite, but only for like a few seconds. It was foul. So, I decided I would clean it out, I mean….it couldn’t be that bad, right? See gorgeous pictures below, warning…..these are graphic.


Well, I went online and discovered that there is something as BEAUTIFUL as a self cleaning oven. Hooray, I went and saw mine had the option and was stoked until I realized that the lock that must be in place for this so-called self cleaning to occur was broken and wont latch. Insert 4-letter of your choice here, I used my favorite, the s-word. So then I went back to the computer and tried to read about how to go about cleaning. Well, even though I’ve never done this before, I certainly wasn’t going to go about it the way that so many websites were saying, goodness….we are Type A here, as Phoebs would say, “I’ve got this.” So, I started to clean with some kitchen spray and some steel wool. The.Crud.Wouldn’t.Come.Off. Wow, this stuff really was baked-on, HA get it? To save you from all the 4-letters that soon followed and all the things I tried and the mess I made, let’s just fast forward and say that Jillian Michaels would have been VERY proud of all the elbow grease I threw in there. That was tough. I will probably never do it again. Sadly, it isn’t sparkling like I thought it would be. But you know what; I bet it won’t smell like nasty stinky guy smoking foulness when I go to melt more cheese. :) I mean, at least you can see through some of the funk now.


I can just see some of the wheels turning in your heads. Hmmm, nasty bathtub, nasty oven, this girl is gross. But, I’m not, I promise. I am just your everyday bad housekeeper. I mean, who really cleans like that anymore? I can run the vacuum like it is my business, and I usually do since I have 2 dogs and 1 cat that do nothing but shed. But the bleaching, scrubbing, dusting, etc....not a priority. If you do, props to you – I am open for suggestions, just don’t let it impose on the things I would much rather be doing. Haha.

While I was typing all this, I went back to a suspiciously quiet toddler in her room and found this. She has torn all the covers, pillows, sheets, etc off the bed and is having a "sumber parwty on da floor wif my friends." See, we have a good time.


Until the next time I try and lose more readers…

10 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Yeah! That's my kind of oven!!! I don't clean mine either. And I always forget to wipe down the microwave until it's like a year too late. ;)

Sarah Broadus said...

my oven is original to the house and we tried to clean it but it was so sad. I think we spent more on cleaning supplies than the oven is worth! Props to you and your messy house truths! My laundry is on my dining room table and on our guest bed. It is so much easier to wade through it when you need it than it is to fold it and put it up!We should start Messy Mondays...and give all moms the courage to show their mess!

heather manuel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Russ, Anna, Pepper and Vesper said...

LOVE IT!!!!!!!! I just got up to go open my oven and take a peek, not much of a housecleaner over here either. I will confess there are about a weeks worth of crumbs under Pepper's princess table in the breakfast area where I make her eat (well, most of the time, a lot of the time she is sitting in her pottery barn chair in the living room watching TV). These are the days I wish I had a dog to clean that crap up!!!!!!! I walk by those crumbs 326,485 times a day, but nope haven't cleaned them up yet. Just not in much of a housecleaning kinda mood this week. I do actually clean the toilets a lot, that disgusts me to have gross toilets. Ok, let me go fold those piles of laundry that are on the sofa AND the bed, LOL. I will be back, you can't run me off from stalking you that easy

heather manuel said...

Oh my gosh I knew I liked you! You are soo my kind of girl. Give me some jeans, tennis shoes, dirty baseboards..whatever, I'm just your ordinary girl and loving every minute of it. (I own danskos too!) Here's to you girl, you rock at life and I am right there with you!

The Fab Five said...

That is my oven!! If it gets cleaned... which is like one time in the 5 years we have lived here, the hubs does it. That's how I roll. I use ovens but I don't clean ovens.

alicia harrison said...

yay! So glad you are normal!! Our house is made from yellow lab hair and i have just realized how filthy my house was because the twins are on the move and find everything that is small on the floor..sheesh! we also pretty much get what we need out of the clean clothes hamper not the drawers or closet! ha

Nora said...

Hahahahaha!!!! I needed that laugh today! I DON'T clean my oven either...hubby decided at Thanksgiving that the top oven needed to be cleaned so I bought him a can of Easy Off cleaner which worked quite well...The bottom oven has never been cleaned and I think that is just because it has only been used like a dozen or so times in 12 years! LOL!! As I type this I look up only to be reminded of the LOVELY dust bunny hanging from my chandelier ( I think I could donate it to Disney's Haunted Mansion) and from the moldings in this room...One day they will be clean...when the "For Sale" sign goes up in the front yard ;-)

Penny Ginn said...

Heather was home the other day (those who know her will see the humor in this) and cleaned the kitchen up after we ate supper. Imagine my surprise when she LIFTED the top of the stove up to clean under it!!! Almost 50 years old and I never knew you could do that!

I've found the only way to have a clean house is to PAY someone to do it. And even as cheap as I am, it's worth it!

kosekcasa said...

hahaha...Amy you are great! I would have started off my vaccuming out the oven, then I would have probably stopped where I started. Too funny!

My Aunt Barbar cleans my oven everytime she comes to visit. And everytime she leaves she says, "Ok now, all you have to do is wipe it out." But I don't...ever...oh well. Thanks Barbar!