Friday, February 5, 2010

Days of Our Lives

There was a time in my life when I was a bit on the wild side. I had a great time, stayed out too late, craved the craziness of life and loved the center of attention, drank too much, said bad words (well, I am still living it up in this aspect), partied too hard, lived for the drama, etc. As I said, there was a time when this was my life, and it was high school and college. Before you go placing judgment, I was also an excellent student. I graduated salutatorian from my high school and had a 3.6 GPA in college. So, I knew my limits. Then, there came a day that I sat there (probably bitten by the hair of the dog from the night before) when I decided I was done with the craziness and action and drama and hoop-la. I wanted quiet. I was done with the rest. I had a good time, but it was now time for a new chapter. Being a grown-up. And I did this. And I liked it. And it was my new life. Up until the moment I birthed my first child. Little did I know she would crave the wildness and action and attention and all that hoop-la. I can honestly say there is NEVER a dull moment. EVER. She is so spunky and full of life and character I just don’t know what to do with her, other than laugh and dread the teenage years. I am just going to share with you a few snippets of this week. I have already topped you off at the start of the week with some select convos with the chatterbox, but this time…..I will go out in public.

• In Hobby Lobby. The other day and of course, you guessed it….she is running her mouth the entire time. Wherever we are in public, people giggle at her and point at her and talk about her chatter. It just happens. She puts on a show all the time. It is hard for me, because I no longer crave that center of attention, in fact….please don’t even acknowledge me. Can’t be done with Louisa Kate around. Anyways, she all of a sudden puts her hand on her forehead and gets all dramatic and ready to pull a Scarlett O’Hara and she says, “oh dear Mommy. I fink I need to frow up. Oh my.” Well, I know this child and her antics, so I go on with my business as she continues to throw her hand around and sigh and gasp and carry on. Well, I am now starting to get some looks from other shoppers as she continues to say, “Oooooh me. I feew so not well.” So, I give. I take her to the bathroom and she spits. Like a boy into the toilet and then bounces up and says, “oh goodness. I feew so much better, phew.” And, I roll my eyes. Oh the drama.

• She has found her prince. This time, it isn’t Chapman. It is a boy at her school. Well, apparently the other day, she asked him to marry her. And supposedly he said yes. I cannot tell you exactly how the convo went since it was relayed to me by her teachers while they giggled. But I will tell you this. She has not stopped talking about her wedding and when she marries this boy and who will be there. I will give you just a hint of the convo that occurred upon picking her up on Thursday. “Oh mommy. Are you gonna come be at my wedding when I marry dis boy? He is gonna be dere and I am gonna wear my Barbie pincess dwess and I is gonna be so bootiful and all my fwends are gonna be dere and dere will be music and food and we will dance and den I get to kiss my prince.” I know NOTHING about childhood psych, but hope this isn’t a hint that she is nutty. She even asked one of her teachers to build her a “wedding castle” out of legos the other day. Now, everyday when I pick her up in carpool, the teachers bring her out just giggling, and I start to cringe. Oh goodness.

• We went and had a play-date with some friends on Thursday. On the way back (we were in Brandon) there was a wreck on Lakeland and we were stuck on it for 45 minutes. Of course, my ears were RINGING with all the chatter going on and I know I counted at least 4,830 “whys.” Well, it was also raining cats and dogs and of course, don’t you know that she had to go potty. I asked her if she could hold it. “No mommy, I hab to go right now. Ima gone wet my panties.” So, what else do you do when stuck in bumper to bumper with no movement? I had to get her out in the pouring rain to let her tee-tee on the side of the road HOPING that a cop didn’t drive by and if so that she wouldn’t get busted for public urination. Well, did I mention it was raining? Let me just tell you how it unfolded…… “Mommy, I’m getting all wet. Oh my gosh, my goshes (her rain boots) are so wet. Ooooh, can I stomp in dat puwdle ober dere? Mommy, I need to go potty. Are dese peoples (referring to everyone else stuck in traffic) gonna see me? (then in a yelling voice that still has my ears ringing) Peoples, don’t nook at my pribates, otay? Dey are mine! You look da oder way, otay. I mean it. Serouswy. Mommy, do you fink dey heard me?” Just go potty please so that this can all be over with and I can forget it. Well, going back to the car, I see numerous females (thankfully) in cars around me just giggling and smiling. Glad they enjoyed the show as I was soaking wet because guess who dominated the umbrella. I give you 3 guesses and the first 2 don’t count.

• The most recent offense. We ran up to McDade's (the neighborhood grocery) to grab some lettuce for a salad. I had just finished my workout (Jillian Michael’s 30 day Shred…it is the, you should try it if you are looking for something) so I was in my elastic-waisted running shorts. Well, I am in this grocery store at least twice a week. Always, I know all the cashiers, they all know me. So, they all mess with Louisa since she acts shy around them. Gag. Well, tonight was no different. Since I was one of the few customers in there, a few of the cashiers (male) gathered around and were talking to Lou and trying to get her to look at them. You know the shy act, where she hides her face and pretends that she hasn’t been running her mouth the entire time we have been in the store. Well, I was putting my wallet back in my purse and getting my keys when she decided that she was going to hide behind me and peek at them through my legs. Well, this was hilarious for ALL involved…..until the unthinkable happened. The child pantsed me. Yep, grabbed my pants and pulled them straight down. She didn’t intend for this to happen, but she had a hold of my shorts and just happened to get so tickled by the guys working there that she somehow just pulled. Well, since I had both of my hands on various objects in my purse, my cat-like reflexes were not in effect. So, now the cashiers REALLY know me. I mean, are you kidding? And she just laughed hysterically and shouted, “nook Mommy, I see your panties! What is dat on your panties? Are dey pink Mommy?” Oh my gosh….please be quiet for once child so I can just crawl in my hole and cry. Thankfully, I had picked up some adult beverages that might help me later to forget the humiliation that occurred. I mean, I can’t switch grocery stores, well….I could, but don’t want to. Uggggghhhhhh!

Does this just kinda give you an idea into my soap-opera life? It wears me out. I seriously have NO clue how I am going to handle her teenage years. Clueless. But, she is just so dang cute! Good thing, right?

PS - Mom, I already know what you are gonna say. Yes, I understand payback, and I get it. But I wasn't that bad, was I?

Until next time….


Holly said...

Oh Amy. I laugh so hard at these stories!!!

The Fab Five said...

great stuff

Russ, Anna, Pepper and Vesper said...

Thanks for sharing the whole story here. Since seeing that she pants you on Facebook, I have been dying to know what happened. Lord, I feel for ya!!!!! I think I would have needed a bottle of something after that.

Playing Sublimely said...

I love this...and I can tell, I would love her!
Thinking of you like crazy right now as I cut out these dresses for my girls :)!!!

LeeAnne said...

Are you kidding me? I LOVE it!!! This made my night. (I'm so glad someone else has a kid like this!) I don't think Lou and my Emie should EVER hang out...bad news!

kosekcasa said...

Such funny stories!!!! Getting pants in McDade's that's great! Honestly, I've seen some serious boob hanging out the tops of shirts on some women in McDade's...your pants falling was all in a days work.

kerisullivan said...

Dear Jesus,

In two weeks, we COULD find out the gender of this baby. And while we're going to hold out and not find out, I would like to place a special order. I'd like one tow-headed, precocious child, witty and talkative. I'd like him or her to have oodles of personality and to make me laugh every day. In short, I'd like one like Louisa Norris. Oh. and healthy would be good too.

Janie said...

Well Amy maybe you were just a TAD bit quieter, but always the drama queen!! hehe!! Love it!!!