Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Freedom of Speech

So, first of all…if we are friends on Facebook then you already know how fed up I am with these guys.

Fleas. Oh my goodness, fleas. We are so infested right now at our house that I cannot even stand it. I am 30, and all of my life I have had indoor animals. But never, and I mean NEVER have I seen them like this. They are everywhere. All over the place. I mean, I even found some in Louisa’s hair. I know Byron will probably fall out when he sees that I just admitted that to the world, but it is true. Usually fleas leave me alone and I just hear Byron complaining about them. But at one time this morning as I stood in my room fresh out of the shower there were 4….count them 4 on my leg. Holy crap. Do you sense my defeat? The picture above is what I brushed off of Mallard just about 30 minutes after he got a bath. We have done it all, sprayed the house, sprayed the yard, dog topical treatment every 2 weeks instead of monthly, Capstar often enough that I have perfected how to give my cat a pill, vacuuming until the cows come home, baths, etc. I mean, I just don’t know what else to do. It is like they are mutants. Nothing is killing them. Ugh. I am sooo over them. While some of you out there that aren’t animal folks and haven’t dealt with fleas before are probably so grossed out and making a mental note to never visit my house again, others may sympathize. And you know what, we are not dirty people. I do not have dirty animals. In fact, my animals and house (except dust…it takes a special event to occur at my house for me to dust) have never been cleaner than they have been in the last few weeks. It is awful and I am so ready to throw up my white flag and just give in. I honestly do not know what else to do. They have consumed me.

Okay, had to rant about that. Sorry, now on to more fun things. Like my child. I am sure you are all still probably laughing about the last post and the humiliation that occurred at Michael’s…but I have more. Today I didn’t get mortified though, I think maybe because I am so numb from the flea issue to even care about anything other than insecticide. I had to go to Wal-Mart which is NOT a place I like to go. In fact, I try to schedule it where I only go once a month. I cannot stand Wal-Mart. Anyways, I go with Lou in tow and here are just a few excerpts from the trip:

• We walk into the store and I am getting her situated in the buggy. An elderly gentleman walks by to grab the buggy beside of us. It was stuck to another, so I helped him out. He was so sweet, and for those that know me…old people just make me sad. But, I love them. Well, got his buggy unstuck and he leaned over to smile at Louisa and THANKFULLY she smiled back. But as he was walking away, it happened, “Mommy did you see all da rinkles on dat man? He looked wike a turtle. And looks, he walks slow wike a turtle do!” Then she started to laugh hysterically at her own joke. Thankfully, I don’t think the sweet man had a chance of hearing her, so disaster avoided on that one.

• We are on the shampoo aisle while I am frantically searching this John Frieda product that I love and haven’t been able to find in a few months and I am so afraid it is discontinued (it is the Glaze that you can use daily or weekly, let me know if you see it!) when a lady comes onto the aisle in a wheelchair. My mind immediately goes into overdrive to try and distract her from noticing and saying anything since I see her giving the lady the once-over but before I can do anything, she points and says, “Wook Mommy, dat wady is widing in the buggy like I’s am. Isn’t dat so crwazy!?” And the lady was sweet and laughed and it was all okay, but after I whisked her off the aisle I explained again (for the second time in like 5 minutes) that it isn’t polite to point and talk about other people. To which she responds, “Gosh, Mommy. I alweady knows dat. Siwwy.” Rolling my eyes at this point.

• Now off to the soap aisle. She is singing at the top of her lungs, and I am not even kidding “da farmer in the hail, da farmer in da hail, he-ha trimeria da farmer in da hail” and so on when a man on the aisle caught my glance and smiled and looked at her and told her how cute and sweet she was and how he loved her song. To which she oh-so-humbly looked at me and said, “Mommy did you hears dat? Dat man finks dat I am jes so cute and sings so pwetty and da best and dat I am just sooo bootiful (of course she made this part up since I didn’t hear it from the man)” and this had the man laughing almost hysterically. Well, I thought all was fun and games until, “Mommy why dat mans waughing at me? He should knows better and knows dat it is rudes to waugh at peoples. Geeze.” And off the soap aisle we go.

• As I am thinking we have had enough of all of Lou’s outspoken-ness that Wal-Mart can handle, we are leaving and walking to the car in the parking lot. Well, we pass a fast food bag and cup that has been thrown on the ground and Louisa perks up and says, “MOMMY! Wook at dat trash. Somebody had wittered it all ober da grouwnds. What was it you saids dat people who wittered was…oh yeahs, igornant fools. Is dat right Mommy?” Oh snap on that one. Why does she listen selectively? Thankfully no one was around for that one. Yikes.

So, we leave Wal-Mart and head to Target and she is talking the ENTIRE way there and asking if I liked Target. Of course I told her that Target was my fave and I just didn’t like Wal-Mart and such. Well, when we get to Target and I get her in the buggy she starts chanting “Mal-Wart is pooey, Mal-Wart is pooey, Mal-Wart is pooey” over and over again. The best part, she is laughing HYSTERICALLY. I mean, she is honestly cracking herself up over her own joke. I don’t know where she came up with it, but honestly she is just about to fall out of the buggy from laughing and I am laughing hard too because it is hilarious. Well, as I am looking at sunglasses, an older lady is looking at jewelry in the same vicinity and of course Lou starts her chant to catch the ladies attention and begins to go into laughing convulsions all over again. Well, this time she laughs so hard she toots. Well, this is about the end of it since she can barely breathe she is laughing so hard at her saying “pooey” and the fact she laugh-tooted. I thought the sweet lady was going to fall down from trying to not laugh at her. Finally I looked at the lady and said, “please laugh…I think I need to as well.” So, here we are in the jewelry section of Target all about to wet our pants from laughing so stinking hard at this little tow-headed turkey in my buggy. It was fun. Thankfully though, once we all calmed ourselves down, Lou looked at the lady and said, “scooze me for tooting, it isn’t powite.” Melted. Thank you Louisa for some manners today. Loves you.

Before we leave Target, I had promised her I would buy her some new panties. Well, she all but hyperventilated when she saw a package of princess panties. So, I got them for her and she wanted to hold them. While I was strolling along, a friend called on the phone so I stopped at the end of the aisle (since I simply cannot do two things at once) to converse. When I looked at Louisa a few minutes into the convo I realized the stinker had opened the panty package and had proceeded to put on all 7 pairs of princess panties. She was so proud. What am I going to do with her. The look on the cashier’s face when I presented to her a bag of stuffed in panties was priceless. Then she asked Lou, “well, do you like them? Did they fit?” To which she replied, oh so sweetly, “Oooooh yes. Dey are my faborties. And dey are perfeck. Do you have princess panties?”

I love this child. She keeps me on my toes, she keeps my nutty and she keeps me frantic, but I adore her. I cannot even remember how it was to be able to go in public before without worrying what my child will say or do. Bless her.

Until next time (when hopefully the sweet, sweet face of my brown boy above with not be pestered by fleas)…


Carol said...

OMG! OK Amy- I have never seen them that bad either! Are you friends with the neighbors? Are they spraying too? I am soooo sorry :-( I am itching just looking at the pic

kosekcasa said...

Yikes about the fleas. We had the same problem last year, but only for a few days. We had someone spray inside, outside, and did all the stuff you have done. The only extra thing I did was steam cleaned all the carpets furniture and anything else I thought might have had eggs because they aren't killed by any of the pills, cleaners, etc.

Lou is cracking me up the last few posts. Kate has said some things, but Louisa takes the cake. Yesterday she saw a man in a wheelchair and said, "Look at that guy checking his wheels out on his stroller." He didn't hear her.

Russ, Anna, Pepper and Vesper said...

Louisa sure does have some clever conversations, love her!!!!! I have ZERO advice on the fleas, just hoping and praying you guys can get this under control NOW

Priss said...

The only thing I'd ask about the topical spot treatments is - are they from the store, or the expensive stuff from the veterinary clinic? I can't use the stuff I get at the store. It doesn't work. The vet has the only junk that ever gets rid of fleas around here. That's important, because we have two cats that love to roam the neighborhood and two dogs that are flea magnets... one that scratches the fur off of his butt when he has them.

Anonymous said...

ADAMS FLEA & TICK SHAMPOO that's the only thing we've ever found that will kill them. If you follow the directions and let it sit like you are supposed to - you WILL see them dying.... It's like $10 - $12 a bottle but totally worth every penny. They sell it @ walmart here and the farm supply stores.

I hate walmart too.... Especially since they stopped carrying my shampoo conditioner line. I would check the grocery stores. That's where I find mine now. Malmart's Pooey!!!!

Ashley @ charming-ollie