Friday, February 4, 2011

The Easy Button

See this pose from a certain striped kitty?

If I could have curled up into a ball like this and hidden my face this morning I would have done the same thing. However, it wasn't happening. Just a few issues with size and curling up and such. Who would have thought. I mean - my waist measurement is only 41.5 inches. Almost supermodel stats.

Instead - I was forced to hit the restart button and try to find the easy button as well. Also, I took a bath with the little mermaid, a rubber ducky and barbie mermaid since my toddler was convinced that my bad mood "was becaws you neber play wif any toys in the bath." Improvement on morale? Maybe.

So, let's just start the day off.

I am making pancakes for the two of us since I am out of cereal (other than Captain Crunch Berry which tasted bad enough going down yesterday morning, but not as bad as it did coming up shortly there-after) and am trying to function without my cup of coffee. I have limited myself to one in the morning now since for some reason BBN is no longer cool with the coffee - it has been puked every morning for the last week. But, I HAVE to have it still. So, I get everything ready without burning down the kitchen (I am one of those people that doesn't function without my cup of coffee) and ask Louisa to get me the "zerrup" out of the pantry and she does so and then BAM. She drops it onto the bar in the kitchen and all over the floor. Before I could get to it, half of the zerrup is leaking all over my wooden bar/island and all over my hardwoods that have gaps in between the planks. Lovely. What do I do? I cringe. Then, I realize I NEED to eat so I continue on and fix our breakfast and my coffee and step over the mess and head to my computer for some good-ole celebrity gossip.

I try to eat my pancakes and drink my coffee without thinking about the disaster in the kitchen. When I am done I go and try to scrub but realize this shiz isn't budging. So - I have the lofty idea of soaking a bunch of dish towels in water and pouring soap on the zerrup on the floor and putting the damp towels over it to hopefully "loosen" some of the sugar up. As I am laying the last towel (mind you I have sticky syrup all over my hands and toes now) I hear Murray meowing for her life in the den. I walk in to find her in a death-grip from Louisa (who also has sticky hands might I add) on the couch. I calmly (ha, who am I kidding) ask Louisa to leave the cat alone and tell her that I am not playing referee today between the two of them. I am OVER it. For any of you that have tried to have phone conversations with me in the past month I am sure you are over it too. I cannot say two words without "LOUISA LEAVE THAT CAT ALONE" somehow sneaking in there. So - go on about my morning business and am letting the syrup soak under the towels. I get on the phone with a friend, break up a few more incidents between the cat and the toddler then hear a loud BAM in the bathroom. So, I cringe and walk that way and find Louisa perched on the bathroom vanity with the sink FULL of water, her feet and two rolls of toilet paper slowly disintegrating into mush. I fight the urge to lose my shizzles for real and just tell her to go to her room and I will deal with it all when I am off the phone. Meanwhile...I take a look into the kitchen to find Mallard licking up all the soap, towels and syrup from the floor. I roll my eyes, take a deep breath and walk back into the peace and quiet of the nursery to finish my conversation in peace only to find Murray jumping into the crib to sleep.

At this point I want to cry. I want to pull out my hair and make everyone go outside and leave Mommy alone. Instead - I go to clean up everything in the kitchen and have my toddler look at me and say, "You know Mommys, dis floor is really just a mess. All of the floors are. You should make them clean and shiny." Count to 10 Amy, and then do it all over again and refrain from telling this helpful 3 year old her business. She doesn't really mean it.

Ugh. So - that is how Friday started off here. This is the point in which I ran the boiling bath water and was that mom that put her child on the bed in front of the TV so that I could have some peace and quiet. I settled into the tub, all 41.5 inches of waist and all and had that moment where I close my eyes and things just about return to normal and my blood pressure heads back to 90/60, and then - the door opened and I was greeted with a smiling, precious tow-head and all of her bath toys and her theory that I was in a bad mood because I didn't have bath toys. Hehe, love the innocence.

Of course this would be the way to start off a weekend of trauma call for Byron. Yay. I am hoping the restart button lasts throughout the weekend and until Wednesday when he actually may be home before 10 pm. We shall see. If we survive. In the meantime...will BBN stay put? He may - but will my blood pressure be okay? Hmmmmmmm...

Off to funnier times. This child.....

I mean, what is there to say? This is how she came down the hall all soup-natzi like after she had been in her bedroom hollering over the monitor which she holds up to her mouth like a microphone saying, "Orders up Mommy and Bee Bee (Phoebe) your banana smoobies are ready. Come and get them." And when I didn't come and get them I heard the warning, "You habs to eat your begtables before you can hab any treats!" and then she comes running down the hall, headband and all with a bag of "begtables" for me to eat. Note the serious look. She means business.


Today - we had a tea party. This time, I poured the water to make CERTAIN it didn't come from the toilet bowl as it did last time (indulge yourself here). The tea was "flabored" in the pitcher for us and came in an apple/orange/potato chip flavor. JUST what I wanted. It even came with dog fur included.

I asked her when we sat down what she wanted to discuss at our tea party and this is what she did.

Got real serious on me, started to tap her finger against her chin and then she said it. "Let's talk about how boys have striped hineys and stand up to go potty and girls have to sit down and have hoo-hoos." Oh wow - NOT the convo I was expecting. I asked instead if we could talk about princesses and she said, "Oh yes, sure. But we will continue dat conbersation at the next tea time." Note to self - next tea time is for Daddy. :)

Pinkies out Byron. :)

And just because I love him so. You should too.


5 comments:

TeenyTinyFashions said...

If I could stop laughing, I could probably find something great to say about this blog post - but oh wow! Love that little girl and her antics. Sorry Mama that the day was crazy but someday (so I'm told) we're going to look back on this and miss it : )

Carol said...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is too funny!!! Make sure you are close enough for the next tea party to tape that convo!!!

BDT said...

Seriously, I am almost in tears laughing :). And hopefully those bath toys made it all better! Hope BBN stays warm and cozy until after the trauma roatation...

The Treadwells said...

HILARIOUS !!!!! LOVE IT !!

Rachel said...

i love her like she is my own!