Tuesday, March 22, 2011

All I Really Need to Know...

I have learned in the last 5 weeks. Really. Well, somewhat. :)

Some sweetness, just real quick-like.

What a ride. Believe it or not, I honestly think that the actual transition from 1 kid to 2 isn't as bad as it is from 0 to 1. With that said - I am still having my booty kicked left and right here at the Norris house. As soon as I come up for air and have a good come-back plan, one of the two chirrens reminds me otherwise. But, since I just wrote a novel on boobs, I figured I would bullet-list this one to make it more user-friendly, AND I am so sleepy I cannot fathom paragraphs and punctuation.

So, here we go - my lessons the past 5 weeks.

  • I was sadly mistaken every time that I said my 3 year old was difficult. I just didn't know any better. Yes, she is a handful and makes me work extra hard, but how lovely is it that she is somewhat self-sufficient. I never realized how nice it was that she watched Mickey Mouse while eating breakfast while I showered, did dishes and laundry and sometimes ran vacuum if I was feeling extra spunky. Until sweet little Nash came along, I had forgotten how nice it was to do house-chores ALL BY SELF. Now, I load dishwasher, washer/dryer, etc. with a baby dangling from my arms. And he seems to love it. So, whatever works. Maybe this is good training to have him help around the house once he starts walking. Hmmm.
  • I will not go into detail on this one since I just posted about it, but if there is an issue with breast-feeding...I had it. Goodness gracious what a roller coaster.
  • Along with breast-feeding issue, have you ever realized that EVERYTHING has milk in it? I surely didn't until I had to fore-go dairy. I mean, really. I went to make a BLT one day and realized that my wheat bread had whey in it. REALLY? So, I ate a BLT with lettuce as my 'bread.' Awesome, right? Wrong. And when we were stopped at a gas station while I was nursing Nash the lady in the car next to me was eating a Snickers bar. Never in my life have I remembered wanting a Snickers more. Of course, I heard a voice in my head mockingly saying 'milk chocolate' and I wanted to cut the voice in my head and jump out of my car and into the ladies car and take her out and eat her Snickers. I think she was taunting me. Crazy what dairy-deprivation will do to a girl.
  • Speaking of dairy...does anyone know, does chicken have dairy in it? Hehe, thought you would like that one Beana!
  • Newborn photography is not for the amateur. Holy junks. I finally caved the other day and tried to take pics of the little man so maybe I could get around to an announcement (I might have one done for Christmas cards, hehe) and let me just say, oh dear me. By the time you get them situated and back up for a shot - they have moved or made a yucky face or opened their eyes to give you the lovely cross-eyed look

(which i do have a soft spot for). So, it may be a few months before I capture an announcement-worthy shot. Haha. Once again, girlys...appreciate the junk out of your professional photogs, they work HARD for their money!
  • Captain Jack Sparrow. Let me just say, I would be super excited if he-himself were at my house. I love me some Johnny Depp and when he is cast as CJS, I swoon. However, it is not Johnny at my house playing CJS, but instead Nash. I think many babies suffer from CJS syndrome. Let me explain. Baby needs to go to sleep. You can tell they are fighting it but just don't want to fall asleep anywhere else but your arms. Can you blame them? This usually is more common at night, especially the wee hours. Well, you rock and you bounce and you sway and you 'shhhh' and you bounce more and finally have a baby that is sleeping sound and breathing regularly. Well, you go to put them in their crib and THE EXACT moment you put them down, Captian Jack Sparrow happens. One eye opens and peeps at you and seems to say, "Yo-ho cracker, you better pick me up again or the wrath is coming. Parlay." I mean, the instant. So, you find yourself with 'sleeping' babe again in arms and bouncing and cooing and singing and swaying and working on those calf muscles at 3 am.
  • Infomercials really are funny. Especially in the wee hours when nothing else is on but paid-programming and you need to stay awake while nursing. I find it hilarious when the commercial shows how difficult something is to do and then they make their stoopid product seem so amazing. Like this silly purse thing that supposedly is genuine leather and comes in 3 different colors. Wahoo! They show a lady going half-mad when her phone rings and she is all digging through her purse like she is rabid trying to locate the phone. I mean, just call them back when you find it! Please don't compromise your cuteness wearing some awful sling across your body purse with a bazillionk pockets. But wait, it IS genuine leather.....
  • The adventure that happens before you even step foot out of house. Where you are actually GOING isn't the hard part. It is getting there. In the early weeks when bebe feeds everytime you blink an eye and you run a peep show with boobies out all the time, you must plan to leave the instant he finishes feeding. So, all bags must be packed and by the door. But this is how it rolls at my house. Nash finishes feeding. I hurry and put him in carseat and he instantly starts to scream. I run to the potty just in case and ask Louisa if she needs to go. She swears up and down she doesn't. So we start to head out the door and just as I hit the garage opener, Lou decides that she does need to go potty. Back in the house to take her potty and bebe still screaming his head off. We go to get back in car and I realize that Nash has now poo'd his pants. So, back in the house to change the dipe. Get back in the car and back out of driveway and realize that I have left my phone in the house. Pull back in to get phone. Pull back out of driveway and have Louisa meltdown because she doesn't have her Winnie the Pooh sunglasses. Etc, etc. Sound familiar? By the time the destination is reached, it is time for Nash to eat again. :)
  • Have you ever realized how high the Soothie brand pacis will bounce on a hardwood floor? If not, come on over. You'd be surprised. They are like a rubber bouncy ball. Then, they roll, over and over and over again. And they always wind up under a sofa. Well, the silicone is just sticky enough to pick up every single piece of animal fur in it's way so when you go to replace said paci in screaming babe's mouth, it appears he has grown a mustache. Sounds gross, right? Yeah, if only my maid would come back to work.
  • NEVER fear. Your toddler will have to go poo-poo ONLY when you have sat down to nurse baby. And, you just may have a baby that is a very sensitive nurser that doesn't like for you to breathe, much less move when he is on boob. So, you are in position, and in my case...toes curled while sweating and you hear from down the hallway, "Mommy I'm finished! I went tee-tee and poo-poo!" One would think I would just teach the child to wipe the #2 herself, but let me just go ahead to say that on a resident's salary we cannot afford the plumbing disaster that it would bring on. Trust me.
Okay, enough for now. Time to go change out my cabbage leaves. And hit up Sonic happy hour.

Just as a happy, Nash makes this face ALL the time. He reminds me of Kermit the Frog when he does. Such a serious little man!

And this is for those of you that may be missing my sweet Lou showing her rear-end. Literally.


kosekcasa said...

So dairy is gone? What a bummer!

Your family is beautiful and you are hilarious! I know that you are in the midst of some trying times, but you sure do have a great sense of humor about it.

Would love to stop by and visit again soon. I'll text you!

Brad, Amy, and Bes said...

oh lordy... is this my life come Friday?!? I'm skeeered. =) Had to comment on the infomercial thing because I was CONVINCED that I HAD to have Yoga Booty Ballet and that it would transform my body back to pre baby and even better... I would watch that infomercial like it was the latest and greatest movie! I will say... I resisted the urge on the workout video but I did manage to purchase 2 pillows that guaranteed the most magical nights sleep you ever had... endorsed by none other than infomercial king Tony Little... and well, they lied. =)