Warning. This blog is a vent session. However, as I was writing I did realize that although crap is seeming to hit the fan faster than I can say "poo" that I really do need to stop and look at all of the great things that I have and be thankful for those instead of focusing on the negative. I could easily turn bitter. And since bitterness is no fun...let me turn this back around and try and find humor in it.
I have talked about Murphy a bazillionk times on here. And I am about to talk about him again. If you aren't sure who he is, it is Murphy's Law. Follows me around. I swear, I am thinking of changing my name to Murphy. Or maybe Murphina to be more feminine. If it can happen/go wrong, it will. Trust me. I am kinda over Murphy. He has been really unpleasant to us in the last year and I am ready for him to just get on. I told my friend Anna this morning that I was trying to figure out a way to give him up for Lent. Since I cannot come up with a good way, I am going to give up meat instead. And maybe soft drinks.
My little Nash is great, and so is my Lula Kate. Thankfully, oh so thankfully. Nash has recently shown me that he isn't the narcoleptic that he once was. He has "awakened" and has had some fussy times. NO WHERE NEAR Louisa fussy, thank goodness - but definitely gave me a run for my money for a few days. I *think* we may have things under control for now thinking it might have been issues with oversupply of milk - but I will spare you all the details of the booby feedings. Your welcome. :)
But, in the meantime of dealing with no sleep, trying to spend as much QT with Lou as I can, trying not to snap at her or make her feel seconds to the baby, keeping house, trying to figure out nursing issues and making sure everyone is clean, fed and has clean clothing and still breathing at the end of the day...Lucy starts limping BAD. Remember back in August she tore her ACL and had surgery to repair it and we did months of rehab to get her better. Well, she has kept a limp the entire time, and we have just all adjusted to it. However, in the last few days - her limp had gotten bad. One night, she wouldn't stand up to get on her favorite sleeping sofa. Broke my heart. Then yesterday, as her limp progressed, I took her outside to potty and her legs just collapsed from under her. Can I even tell you how I felt at that moment. I had the front door open, so I could hear Nash screaming and Lou hollering for me and here was my sweet Lucille, all 124 lbs of her in the front yard not able to stand. I almost varmited all over the place. I almost screamed for someone to help because I was so scared. And honestly, I also had a moment of panic in which I just wanted to run away from it all. I almost shut down thinking, "I just cannot do any of this anymore." Thankfully, one side of my brain told me to beef up and put on my big girl panties and I lifted Lucy and got her back in the house. I was so scared of what was going on. So, on to the surgeon today to figure out what it was. Here is where I will try and incorporate some humor.
Let me first just say I am not one to ask for help. I just don't. That is how I am as a person. My friends don't get it...but I just do things. And I make it. When I really, really need help - I do ask. But, mostly we just make it. I think it is somehow related to my stubbornness. :)
So, Lucy had an appointment this morning at 8:30. As soon as I made it, I had a moment of panic. How in the hizzity was I supposed to get Lucy to the vet with Louisa and Nash. How in the crizzity was I supposed to get her in and out of my SUV without her further hurting herself? What in the shizzity was I supposed to do if Nash decided he wanted to fuss at the vet? Holy junks. My blood pressure shot through the roof in no time. Then, I saw that the weather was supposed to still be nasty. Oh mylanta. To say the least, I was freaking out.
However, this is how it all went down.
We actually got out of the house in time for me to ride around a bit to try and put Nash to sleep. I was amazed. Granted, it took about 10 min to get everyone loaded up - but I did. Thankfully Lucy was feeling a bit better this am and was able to jump into the car with my help holding her back end with a sling. Phew. Granted, I looked like I had just rolled out of bed since I didn't get a shower, but I did brush my teeth. Can't remember if I brushed my hair or not, and had on the same thing as the day before - but my kids were dressed and clean. Success #1.
So, I drove and I drove. And Nash screamed and he screamed. He usually ALWAYS falls asleep in the car, but not today. I gave up and finally just pulled into the surgeon's office and began the process of unloading. First, Lucille. I asked her to sit nicely beside the car while I unloaded stroller to put car seat with screaming baby in. Lucille obliged. Then, I went to get Louisa out who was already having a melt-down because the "lines" in her socks were bothering her. So, I had to take off her shoes and socks and fix them and then put them back on while Lucy was sitting in the middle of the parking lot & Nash was showing off his pipes. Then, a Jeep had pulled up to the front of the building and at that time two of the employees brought out a stainless cart with a towel and a bag. I almost puked. I thought that there was a poor deceased doggie in the car and I was about to witness it being removed and I just couldn't handle that at the moment. The panic that set in made my toes sweat. I was trying to hide Louisa from it as I knew she would ask questions and while I was trying to shield her view I had another one of those moments when I thought, "Oh my junks. I cannot do this. I need to load everyone up and go home. I cannot do this." Thankfully in the middle of my parking lot panic attack, the employees got a sweet black lab out the Jeep with a slight limp. He was fine. I took a breath that honestly made my brain start working again, and helped me pull up those big-girl panties and stroll a screaming child, limping dog and chit-chattering 3 year old into the office.
Once we got checked in, the sweet receptionist probably sensed my hypertension and offered to let us wait in an exam room instead of the waiting room. So we settled in and Nash and all of his rotten-ness stopped crying as soon as I picked him up and put him on my lap. We are waiting and I am slowly starting to relax when Louisa pipes up, "Mommy. You forgots to ask if I needed to potty before we left. I hab to go potty." SHIZ. I beg that she hold it until the doctor has come in and she says she can so I thank her and offer to give her a treat if she can just stay still and be quiet until time to go. Well, a few melt-downs and she obliges.
The surgeon comes in and takes a look at Lucy. He then looks up to me and says the words I really could have done without. "She has torn her other knee." Translation. Her other ACL is blown. We were told when having her first one fixed that there was a 20% chance that the other would tear down the road, and I remember laughing and telling him he didn't know our luck. Ugh and double ugh. I even swore in front of him. I know, I am such a lady...but it just came out. It wasn't bad and Louisa quickly informed me that "MOMMYYYY you shouldn't say dat. Dat is a baaad word!"
Well, as the room is spinning, he tells me our options to repair this second one. I joke that maybe we should have both of her hips replaced while we are here just in case. I then go to check out and barely make it to the car before the tears start. I had honestly just had all I could take at that moment. I was glad the hormones held off until out of the surgeon's presence for you know how men just don't get the whole hormone/crying thing. Loading everyone up in the car, I boo-hood. Louisa laughed at me, and Nash...the little animal cracker that he is (like that Katie??) went to sleep at last. I sat in the parking lot and boo-hoo'd until I could gain my composure to drive. I felt better after the cry, and realized that it was my first big break-down since delivery. Pretty good making it 3 weeks!
So, Murphy...please get on. I honestly cannot handle anything else right now. I am kinda done dodging obstacle and jumping through hoops. Smooth sailing is what I would lurve right now. The numbness has set in, and I am ready to move on. To lift spirits, I enjoyed some sweet Louisiana strawberries in the form of liquid (aka Abita) for lunch. Judge not my dears, it is 5 o'clock somewhere.
As I said, this is really just a vent session. I know good and well I have SO much to be thankful for, and I really and truly am. I just had to get this out so it would maybe not eat at me. Byron and I have to talk to see what we will do for Lucy. I am torn since her last surgery, the rehab was very time-consuming and I DIDN'T have a newborn at the time. She also never completely recovered and always had a limp. I wish I could know that this leg would heal and no limp would occur. Or should we just have a custom brace made for her??? All I want is my sweet girl's quality of life to be the best it can be. It makes me so sad to see her limp and shake and have trouble walking. :(
To cheer things up. Here is a pic of my sweet little burrito napping on the couch.
And since you can no longer take a picture of baby without a picture of big sis....
And my sweet brown doggie, who wants his sister Lucy to feel better.
Until next time when things are hopefully shiny, happy people holding hands. :)