Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Barnum & Bailey

It's official. I am now the ring-master of my very own 3-ring circus. Holy moles. My friend Erin always has me giggling when she refers to her 2 little boys as her clowns, but I don't giggle anymore. I totally get it. Geeze.

I really think I jinxed myself in the beginning. When asked how it was with two kiddos, I said, "Oh, it really isn't that bad. I think it was the hardest going from no kids to Lou than from Lou to two." And, I really still do think that is true. But I may have changed my mind on the whole "it really isn't that bad" as the past 3 days I have had my rear-end handed to me on a stick by my two chirrens.

First I will talk about what I refer to as "suicide hour." It is also known as "the witching hour," "unhappy hour" and "sundowners." It is inevitable. Around 5-6pm daily all shit hits the fan. And I am not kidding. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING can make baby Nash happy. And he is generally a happy-go-lucky kid. So, if you live in the area of see me out and about with the chirrens packed in the Uncle Bob, strolling....for hours. Not kidding. Some days I put the earphones in my ears and get my run on and worry not about the 4 year old running her mouth a mile a minute or the 11 week old that may or may not be crying. I know he is fed and dry...and as Dr. Smith says, I am letting him 'work it out.' But usually, as soon as I put him in the stroller and buckle him - he is good to go. Just don't stop the movement. I mean, if I ever questioned spending a large amount on a Bob double, I no longer. I have gotten every single penny out of it during suicide hour alone. Best purchase. Well, for some reason....suicide hour the last 3 days has made me twitch. Maybe because I know that the hubs wont be home until around 9 pm or so. But, as I type...I see the hour is approaching and I fear today as my 11 week old has YET to nap. Yep, 'tis true. Ugh.

Another thing about having 2 kiddos, I always said that it is more about being coordinated than anything for survival. This holds very true, as you have to be able to juggle what is going on with the 2 before you can think about going anywhere or trying to plan around something. This brings me back to my role as the ring leader. Maybe I am not that uber-stylish vest-wearing leader, but instead, perhaps I am that clown that is so uncoordinated, and falls down and has all these weird things happen to him and rides that super small bike and all the people laugh at. Yes, that is more of who I am these days. Humor for those who are watching. And speaking about I fill you in on the events of the circus today.

As I said earlier...the babe hasn't napped. NOTHING is seeming to make him happy today, just overall fussiness. I am thinking it is due to a different brand formula, so I make a note that I must hit up the Target (for the THIRD day in a row, mind you - and before I had 2, I wouldn't have it is always a race to see how quickly I can get in and out) to get formula today. Well, after I had gotten everyone fed lunch, dressed, etc. I figured we would go out to Dogwood to stroll and enjoy the beautiful weather and then hit Target on way home. Hmmmmm. Seems like a grand idea, right?

Enter TJ Maxx, I am almost drooling since I haven't been in one in like a year. Nash is being so sweet in his seat in the stroller and Lou is walking along-side singing to Nash. I am not minding the fact that she is singing "Poker Face" at the top of her lungs, but just glad no one is crying. So, I decide to be brave and walk down to Bath & Body Works to get more wallflowers to make my poor, filthy house smell nice. And this is when things started to go downhill. Nash starts screaming in Bath & Body Works, so I check out as quick as I can and try to get stroller out of store without knocking anything over. This is my Combi stroller that houses the car seat...the wheels and I are NOT friends if you catch my drift. Well, walking back to the car a certain toddler decides that she cannot walk anymore and that her legs are falling off so she just sits down in the middle of the sidewalk. And screams and whines and carries on. So, to avoid yanking her up by the elbow and getting stares from all those around and maybe even a call into child and family services, I tell her that if she gets up and walks the rest of the way I will buy her a new pair of flip-flops at Target. For everyone that knows Lou and her shoe-fetish, this perks her up real quick-like and we continue walking back to the car. By the time we get there, Nash is crying again and so is Lou. Sometimes it is just contagious. I fight the urge to cry myself and load everyone into their seats, get everyone buckled and now that 15 minutes has passed, I get in my seat and crank up Remy and head to Target.

We get to Target and Lou breaks down when I tell her she needs to ride in the buggy. I mean, didn't she remember her meltdown and Oscar-worthy performance in front of Belk when she no longer wanted to walk? Well, I gave in to avoid another Oscar-worthy performance and she got to walk while I put Nash back in stroller. I know that I have about 30 minutes before he needs to eat again, so I figure I can get in and out and then head on home - but I have a bottle just in case, so no worries. Well, I walk in and hear all the pretty voices singing to me like they do every time I walk in the doors, and I have a moment of not thinking and decide I want to try on a swimsuit. You see, those voices make you do crazy things. WHAT THE CRAP was I thinking? Not only because I am still all post-partum and jiggly and still a weird shape and size...but two kids, one on the verge of an eating-meltdown in the dressing room? Well, I did it. We stopped on the way to let Lou pick out some flip-flops and Nash melts in the shoe department. So, I get out his bottle and attempt to feed him while pushing stroller. This doesn't work since I have said before I am NOT friends with the wheels on this thing, so I sit on a shoe-tryer-on thingy and feed him while I let Lou have a BALL in the shoes. After Nash decides he doesn't want to eat anymore, we go to the dressing room. Thankful, of so thankful for the family-sized rooms! Let me back up and tell you a rule that I have at Target, grocery store, etc. Louisa MUST tell me when walking in the doors if she needs to potty. Get where I am going with this one? Yep...I get undressed and ready to try on swimsuit in my moment of losing my shizzle and mind. Lou decides to try on her flip flops, Nash is cooing away. Fun times. THEN it happens, "Mommy, I NEED to go potty." And by the way she is dancing around, I know that she cannot wait. Ugh. So, I put all my clothes back on all the while telling her I am disappointed since she didn't tell me when we walked into the store and get all my items hung back on the hangers (I must confess, I hate hanging up bathing suits) and get ready to steer the stroller out and back to the front of the store. Louisa is all but wetting her pants at this point she has to go so bad and then I realize that she not only took off socks and shoes to try on her flip flops, but her leggings too. WHAT the crap. So, I pull her leggings on her real quick and shove her feet into her boots and we basically sprint to the front of the store hoping that the family bathroom is open. Well, don't you know that little miss priss must help me steer and push the stroller, and I have her off to the side so I don't trip over her and apparently her shoes are NOT friends with the darn wheels of the stroller either as the front wheel hits her silver rain boot and bounces - almost knocking Nash who isn't strapped in clear out the side...and of course Lou onto the floor. I am having flash backs of running her over with a shopping cart but thankfully, she jumps up and hollers, "I'm okay!" Phew. Aha, the family bathroom! We go in and I realize that I have just brought all my merchandise into the bathroom. Not wanting to be taken away for shoplifting, I pull Lou's pants back up and run outside to customer service to drop off my items so I am not in trouble. Get back in the bathroom and try to pull pants down off a jitterbug and JUST barely get her up on the pot in time. Phew.

We leave the bathroom, grab my items and head BACK to the dressing room. I undress again and try on swimsuits and as I am looking at my reflection I am thinking this suit is very NOT flattering and although I am still jiggly, I am seeing some progress and almost get happy until... "Ewwww, gross Mommy! Put your clothes back on. That is not pretty on you." Again Louisa, thanks for your honesty. Oh, and Nash is melting by this I rush and put on all my clothes again and hang up all the stoooooooopid pieces of the suit while silently (maybe) calling it bad names and head to the checkout. On our way, I have a baby crying, a toddler singing "Poker Face" again at the tops of her lungs and what can only be a look of panic on my face. Definitely not the ring-leader, but instead the clown.

Well, we survive the screaming baby in the checkout line, and then sit down in the cafe area to feed him a bottle that he couldn't be more uninterested in if I tried. So, we take the 15 minute plunge and load up into the car and head back home. Nash has now decided he wants his bottle now so is screaming and Lou is screaming about being hungry too. I hand her a container with some snacks and get on the phone with a dear friend who will hopefully still talk to me after today when I had to yell at my toddler throughout the entire conversation. Because, don't you know that Louisa dropped her snack container. And obviously to her it is a natural disaster and so she screamed like someone was murdering her. Well, this caused a very flustered driver to almost wreck into the car on the other side of her. And, she continued to scream the whole way home. And then Nash joined in. And so did I. Maybe, I know I wanted to.

I am home now. And I have both of my chirrens in their bedrooms with the doors shut and the monitors turned down low for I need to have some quiet, non-stressful moments to myself before the next show is to occur.

Note to self....WHY do I venture in public with these two? Glutton I tell you, over and again.

For more humor, this is a quickie about a "Louisa-ism" that happened on the way to school the other day. There was a lady jogging that is very muscular and had short hair. Well, as we rode by her, Lou says, "Mommy, is that a man dressed up like a lady? What is that called again?" And I am in the front seat, coffee coming out my nose and shaking thinking my child is about to say the word transvestite and wondering what in the hell I am supposed to do if she does when she says, "Oh yeah, costume. That's what it is called." Phew. Oh my word. I can return to breathing.

On a sweet note, I do really, really adore my two kids. They drive me nutso, but they also bring me such joy. That is a mother's saving grace I think. If they didn't have those good moments, I don't think we would do it again. But I will talk about a favorite time of mine. Rest assured it is NOT suicide hour, although I do enjoy getting outside for a few hours and exercising. I usually will feed Nash a bottle after Lou and I have already eaten lunch. After the bottle, we all hang out in his room for about an hour before afternoon nap time. I love this time. Hands-down, fave time of day. Watching my two kids play together and just watching how Nash looks at Lou is like a drug. Nash usually thinks I hung the moon...until Louisa comes into the picture. He just grins at her like no other. And she is so good with him. She will read to him, teach him about animals and letters and tell him stories. Melting of the heart occurs instantly. I try and keep my camera handy during this time since this is the happiness that I need to remember when I am in the circus ring about to lose my mind. Just thought I'd share a few with you...

And this is why I am so glad to have my camera handy. To capture moments like this one.

He gets it honestly. His momma has been known to pout on occasion. :) I could EAT him. But the best part about this pic is why he is doing this....she is cropped out, but Lou was singing to him. Hehehehe.

I hear movement in the rooms, the show must go on...


Morgan said...

Hello! I found your blog through the Harrison's blog, and I've been hooked ever since! My daughter is almost exactly the same age as yours, so I get a huge kick out of Louisa's tales. Also, being from Minnesota, it's neat, because I can almost hear your accent in the way you write. :) Anyways, I extremely enjoy your blogs, and I hope you continue writing!

Mrs.Puckett said...

Oh, how I have missed an update! Love some Norris family circus! Thanks for sharing... I needed that today.