Sunday, December 4, 2011

Father Time

WARNING: long and random post with NO proof-reading...

Ohhhhhhh Father Time.....where are you?

I mean seriously. Where the hell is the time going? This post will be stamped either December 4 or 5th, depending on how wordy I am late tonight. WHEN did that happen? And where have I been? Sigh. Here I am all un-knowingly the mother of a 4.5 year old girl that knows it all and an almost 10 month old (that in itself makes me feel the need to cry) that is now crawling, trying to stand up, breaking through more teeth and eating real people food. Once again, WHERE have I been?

Well, one answer is probably in my sewing room. And as much as I love brownie-goose, I will admit it is sort of the black sheep for me right now. I struggle daily, hourly to be honest with what in the world to do with this black sheep. It robs me of so much of my free time, but I cannot let it go. It has evolved from something that I did for fun and to give some pocket money when I quit my real job to something that I need to pay for Louisa's school and gymnastics. There are moments when I say, "okay Amy. Once you pay off Lou's tuition through May for both school and gymnastics...quit it all. Just quit while you are ahead." And I feel all happy and free like. I mean, I know what I am doing. And then, I get all sad and sentimental. And I think, "Why quit now? You've come so far." And I just don't know what in the world to do. But I do know for sure it is taking up WAY more time than I would like for it to. With that said, I am so stinking proud of it all that I can hardly stand not to tinkle my pants. Just recently I was asked to send some items from my collection (I am still in awe that the stylist/designer called it my collection, like it is real!) for a magazine photo shoot and at the end of the day, MY DRESS made the cover. I mean, holy moles. You can read more about it here if you really feel the need. I just wish that sometime someone would just appear and say, "Amy, this is what you need to do with BG. This is where you need to go with it." And that way I think I would let my guard down and realize that it was okay to go either way. I am one of those crazy Type A's that doesn't want to admit defeat but at the same time thinks failure is like the boogey man. Ugh. Okay, enough about all of that...for I swear I had a purpose when I sat down to blog.

Speaking of black sheep and time, as I drove down my street today I realized I was the only one left with pumpkins and corn stalks on my front porch. And this made me say bad words. You see, after you decorate with decorate for Christmas - which if you remember from last year (if you don't, please read this post...I highly recommend, it tells a LOT about my character) I can.not.stand. Gag. But, I decided I would take one for the team and up into the attic I crawled and got down the garland and wreaths all the while complaining and saying bad, bad words. Well, I hung the garland around the door frame like I always do and when I stepped back instead of thinking, " looks good if I do say so myself" I thought, "Ewww. When did K-Mart come and hang a swag of shiz on my front door frame?" 'Tis the season, right? So, I crawled back up on the ladder and took it all down and informed Byron that I wasn't going to do anything this year and only hang up my door wreath that I have had for eons now. And he got the look that I have learned over the years and said, "Whatever you want, Amy." Now, this sounds all nice but what really is going through his head is, "Okay Byron, just agree. She is having the funk and no matter what you say she will argue with you and it will all turn out very bad in the end so just nod and keep on with what you are doing." And so when he said that, I turned back to the front door and thought, "UGH. NO. By golly my front door will look fab whether I enjoy it or not. (seeing as I realized in the meantime my trusty old wreath had started to fall apart and look even more K-Marty than the garland)" So, with my stubborn head held high I came inside and google imaged "front door wreaths." Of course I feel madly in love with one as my bipolar-like personality tends to do and decided I needed to go right then and there to the craft store because certainly "I can SO make that." That, by the way is my stubborn motto. I for some reason always think I can make what I see. Do you see the destruction my strong personality causes me? So, while I was having this moment of Martha-Stewart-induced genius, I packed up both kids and headed to Michaels on a Sunday afternoon. Yes, you read that correctly and yes, I have lost my mind.

I will save you many of the details of the trip but will summarize and tell you that by the time I got back in my car I had sweat rings under my arms, my pony tail was hanging on by a thread, my cheeks were pink and both kids were crying. I have NO clue what I bought, but know that I will leave it all in the back of my car in the bags and it will go back tomorrow since I am over it by now.

So, you see...this inspiration wreath (which I won't share with you because the crazar in me still might attempt it after a trip to a different craft store and the donkey in me refuses to give away a secret and admit defeat) is like the palm fronds of last year. Oh those damn fronds. I think the actual words were "screw you palm fronds??"

Okay, so off subject. Back to father time.

We recently made a trip to Georgia over the Thanksgiving holiday to spend time between Barnesville, Savannah and Athens. Now, I was super excited about the Athens trip since this was the first time we were going KNOWING we were soon going to be living there. We had appointments set up with the realtor, the banks, a preschool for Nash, Lou's school, etc. It was crazy-exciting. But at the same time I asked myself, "Oh my word. Is this really happening? Are we finally at this point that we have been waiting for for so long?" And the answer strangely was YES. The time has finally come for my brilliant husband to no longer be a student or a resident. This is it. He is about to be in private practice and we are about to be setting down forever roots. It is crazy to think about. It was so exciting to drive around a town that I knew I would be raising my kiddos in. And not to brag too much, but holy smackaroos what an awesome town to do so in! Touring Louisa's school was kind of hard for me. I never thought I was going to be that mom that cried as soon as I dropped my child off for kindergarten, but I can go ahead and say it...I will be bawling. I mean, I got all teary-eyed just walking around with the principal. There was a lunch room and a rotunda and a library and all these things that my little Lou was going to be doing WITHOUT me. Ouch. I am tearing up now just remembering it. But I really am trying to be a big girl for her so that she is excited and not scared. While we were sitting in on a class I watched her look nervously at the students and twirl her hair and bite on her lip. It broke my heart to see her so nervous. And then thankfully later she pulled a typical Louisa to lighten the mood and make me not so sad. This was the conversation.

Me - Lou, what did you think about your new school and the kindergarten class?

Lou - Well, I don't know Mommy. I don't think I am as smart as those kids.

Me - Awe, don't worry Boo, you will be as soon as you start learning.

Lou - Oh, I'm not worried Mommy. I mean, I may not be the smartest but I am the prettiest.

Hehe, that's my girl. Oh, Louisa Kate...

And baby Nash. Be still my sweetness. He has had a rough few months recently. His nickname of sweetness has almost been revoked due to some very ill-tempered behavior. Suicide hour is KILLING us now that the time has changed and we cannot go outside. So basically, from 3pm until bedtime in our house is absolute mayhem to the point that I am almost twitching by the time Byron comes home. Yikes. It hasn't been pretty. But, Nash got tubes on Friday due to rotten ears and I am hoping that it was just painful ears that have been causing the baby Louisa-like behavior. I almost want to say sometimes, "Okay Nash...we get it. You will not be made to be a middle child. Norris party of 4. Mommy cannot handle more without being sent to the nut house so you will not have a baby sibling" but I am so afraid that Murphy will overhear and change my plans and I cannot even think about that right now!

Oh dear, what did I mean to write about anyways? Tonight is one of those nights. I sat down to write, to get it all out. It's been one of those 'overwhelmed by life' days here for me and I just needed a moment to vent and have my online therapy session and it looks as though I have succeeded in writing a very long post with no photos that I don't plan on proofing. Oh yeah, I was talking about time getting away with me. Which makes me think of my blog post around this time last year. I remember talking about slowing down. And you know, I did for a while but then I fell victim to needing to speed again. So maybe I will find that slow-down button again soon and stick with it. I am thinking that 2012 is going to be CRAZY with selling a house, packing a house, moving to a new town, Louisa starting kindergarten, Byron starting a new job, etc. I will need that slow-down button for sure. And maybe a few cases of wine as well. I've thought a lot about unplugging next year. Not completely, but maybe just stepping back from the phone, the texts, the emails, the facebook, etc just a bit. Becoming super-shady which I am very good at. I don't want to miss anymore of what is happening right in front of me. I mean, that is all that really matters, right? Always easier said than done, but maybe?

So, methinks that I have succeeded in writing the most random blog post ever. Awesome work Amy. I also think my bed (and those psychedelic sheets that are still there, I don't if we forgot to ask Santa or if he just has a sense of humor or if he is just super sweet and wants us to wait for a new house to have new, grown-up sheets), the bed warmer and my striped kitty who is probably curled up where my feet belong are calling my name. I just might tell this this stubborn donkey to listen this time. Go to bed Amy.

Sweet dreams. Until next time that I ramble on...


Penny said...

"I can SO make that."

The reason I don't go to craft fairs any more. I never bought anything; I just went home with a gazillion ideas roaming around in my head and no time to do any of them. No sense introducing frustration into my life that I CAN control!

(Which, btw, is why I also don't like magic shows. They frustrate me because I can't figure out HOW they do the tricks.)

Allycia Harper Lee said...

I LOVE this post! so real...