Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Full Circle

So, today was a day I have been sort of dreading since the moment I found out I was pregnant with Louisa. Although, I never realized that I was dreading it until the countdown started. You see, I always sort of laughed and pointed and made fun of those mommas that cried when their kids started kindergarten. I always sort of wondered what in the world was up. I certainly thought I was way cooler than that. I mean, I was SO not going to be that mom.

Well, lots of things come back and bite you in the rear as a parent. Especially things concerning how other people parent their kids, behave themselves, etc. One day I will learn to just smile and carry on and not think things to myself that will come back chomping at my hiney years later with a big fat, "HAAAAAAAAAAAA you silly girl, told you so!"

One day, I will learn...but in the meantime, I am way too cool for that.

But anyways, Lou started kindergarten today. I thought that maybe if I didn't blog about it or talk about it it wouldn't happen. But it did. And you know what, she did much better than her momma. By 8 am I was driving home already with a swollen, polka-dotted face topped off with red eyebrows. You see, I am SO not a pretty crier. In fact, I tend to be one that gets splotchy, my nose runs into my mouth, I snort and all sorts of ugliness. But lawsy, I cried this morning. I promised myself (only after realizing my coolness factor wasn't as awesome as I had once thought) that I wouldn't cry until I got in my car. Little did I know that I would be RUNNING through the halls of the elementary school to quickly seek solace in the front seat of my car. 

I was that mom. I was that mom. I was that mom that realizes in one single moment of dropping your child off to spend a day in the company of someone else - that everything changes. Suddenly, 5 years has slipped away. That baby that you still see pudgy cheeks and toothless grins when you look at them was now going to eat lunch with someone other than you. That baby was going to be taught things by someone other than you. And you suddenly have a moment of panic and not being able to breathe and you think, "holy moly mother of oh my goodness...that baby doesn't need her momma 24/7 anymore." And that single moment in motherhood rips your heart into so many pieces you find yourself disgustingly humming the tune of "Achy Breaky Heart." Oh the tragedy of it all. And while yes, to an extent, it is true, it also is just the absolute hard natured facts of motherhood making you over think EVERY single thing. This baby still needs you, she still needs you tons, but just the sheer fact of accepting that someone else can make a difference in your child's life is hard. I cannot even fathom the moment either of my babies falls in love. I swanny, I will poke the eyeballs of the girl that sweet baby Nash brings home and tells me he wants to marry. No mam, not on my watch.

And oh my, I just became that mom. Oh shiz. 

And while I am at it...I have also become this mom. Yep, the one that makes heart-shaped sandwiches and writes "I love you" on napkins. Never, ever thought I would...but it came natural. Scary, right?

Anyways, before I continue to air out the skeletons in my apparently warped closet of motherhood, how about some pictures?

I don't think I am the only mom that has morning routines down to the second. I mean, getting everyone up, dressed, fed, teeth & hair brushed, and out the door with all their belongings sometimes is an act of congress. So, I decided to get the kids up early and then if there is extra time before we have to leave, they are rewarded with snuggle time in mom & dad's bed (because is there a more fun place when you are a kid? I think not) watching Mickey Mouse. That makes one Louisa Kate a happy camper. Although here she looks like she is watching a horror movie! PS - anyone from the old school BG days recognize what is now the awesome headboard my adorable hubby made me?


The look of pure panic and nerves on her face right here, not to mention the lack of color, rips my heart in two. I was trying SO hard to keep it together at this moment, when all I really wanted to do was grab her, hold her and tell her that NO she didn't have to go to school. She could stay with me forever. But instead, even with the fear in their eyes, you still have to let go. It was one of the hardest moments for me as a mom.


So, I was thankful when she told me she was "over the camera" and continued to walk on. 


All in all, Louisa came home and was excited and wants to go back tomorrow. So, all is right in the world. Right? But in the meantime, I absolutely REFUSE to let this one EVER EVER EVER start kindergarten.


And how about a West Clover update? Bless this house. Oh I love it, but needs some love. Like, ASAP. The poor outside of the house, goodness...I mean, there is even a shutter that is falling off. Wow. But soon, right up this beautifully carpeted staircase that Nash and Louisa love to play on


the action starts. As of Monday, let the demolition begin. You see, the space that looks like this

will soon be a new bathroom, Lou's bedroom, Nash's bedroom and a large open play-area/den. To say I am ready is a humongo understatement. Speaking of understatements, how about I just go ahead and tell you how it is going to be only slightly inconvenient to live here while this is going on. Haha, right? But still, West Clover is ready to be loved and to be helped back into modern times while still holding on to her beautiful bones.

Are you ready for the reno? 

PS - I know many of you are probably eyeing that gargantuan attic fan and the cardboard wall that surrounds it. I am sure if you really, really, really wanty - it will be in the trash trailer that will sit in our front yard (sorry neighbors of West Clover if you have found me), but I've heard a trash trailer is way classier than a dumpster. Just FYI.


Elizabeth said...

Boo hooing over here..Ella is 15 months old. I think I'm gonna be that mom too!

Meggie said...

I KNOW I'll be that mom. No doubt about it. And I'm an ugly crier too. Ugh.