Wednesday, April 10, 2013

trenches of motherhood

so, first of all...i have to giggle (even in my grumpiness). as i opened up my blog to post i realized i had a draft waiting to be finished. it was started the day i was packing for our disney trip (yeah, a whole other blog post in itself, i am sure i will get to that next year) and it was so true. i honestly could not find anything i needed although i had seen it just that morning. here we go:

having a severe case of the soot sprites hiding things from me in the house. i think they may have run off with my brain too. in fact, i am quite sure i saw it on the cat bus (not the savannah kind) when it ran off into my backyard.

not that crazy. totoro.

anyone seen that movie? if so, you know what i am talking about. if not, you think i am a lunatic. pick your poison.

anyways - today i am grumpy. wait, in my defense maybe i am not grumpy - i am just spent. like done. stick a fork in me for real. well done, in fact. today was just one of those days. you know the kind, they can sometimes start of wonderfully and then take a turn south reaaaaaaalllly quick. or, it can start off in the shitters and never seem to find its way out. well, today started out great - but the recipe for disaster was already there. i am tired, louisa is tired, nash is tired and getting over sickness and did i mention i was tired? and for me, it isn't that kind of tired when you need a nap. it is the "i haven't really slept or sat still in 6 years" kind of tired. you know, your bones hurt and honestly just the sound of the word "mommy" makes you want to either stand still enough that some little pint-size will think you are a statue or it will make you want to go and hide. old jimmy buffett had it right when he said he had good days and bad days and going half mad days.

let's all be honest. it is hard to be a parent. it is so much fun and awesome and rewarding, but some days it just makes you want to stick your fingers in the electrical sockets just in the small chance people may think you've lost it completely and leave you alone for 5 minutes. there, i said it. tonight as i took the trash out as i could hear the screaming in the background i wondered exactly how long i could take to do this simple task. how long could i go off the map? and do you want to know the most warped part about wondering how long i can go off the map...the twisted reality is this. not long. you know why? because i would miss them. oh the curse of motherhood. they drive you to the point of insanity and then push you straight over the line without a second thought, but then the most amazing part of it all is that even in your moments of insanity, you cannot live without them. not even for a second. you miss the snot-covered fingers that are wiped all over you legs that haven't seen a razor in far too long. you feel lonely without your sidekick following you everywhere and staring at you while on the potty. you miss the 3,940,110 random facts and questions that blurt out of your 6 year old's mouth all day, every day. it is a very slippery slope, my dears and one that has been perfected by the best of them.

so, anyways - today tried my patience. i have horns and no longer want anyone to look at me or talk to me for the rest of the night. ugh, i honestly hate when that happens but have yet to find a magical cure to make these moments of pure exhaustion go away. so, to calm my nerves i decided to sit down and catch up on the last few weeks of crazy-town.

nash turned 2. i think a lot of his absolute terror comes from the lone fact that he is that lovely, magical number 2. a huge communication barrier stands between the two of us causing even more frustration and moment of non.stop.crying. seriously, today i think he cried for 3 hours straight. why? i have no clue. but i am sure the neighbors were just about ready for him to be put to bed. he asked for milk, and when i would usually say no (they child would be happy drinking nothing but milk and eating nothing else) i said yes since he was struck BAD last week by that nasty stomach bug and lost some lbs. well, that caused an absolute meltdown. then, he asked to sit on the swing beside me, so i put him up there which brought him to a new level of meltdown. he asked for a cutie, so i have him a cutie and he just fell on the floor in tears. so you see, i throw up my hands and just step over the wailing child and try not to lose my mind. (amy's mind...yo yah?) 

but on the other side of that slippery slope i was just telling you about, he is the most adorable thing i can think of and can do no wrong. he is trying his hardest to talk all the time and his voice and words just make me melt. his love of all things trucks, cars, trains, etc is just about irresistible and they way he loves animals seriously makes me die. and when he is not starting another world war, he is the sweetest thing there ever was. but he is definitely a child of extremes, he is either one or the other. there is no in between. 

 

love it, one day he will kill me for this picture.


look at this poor sweet, sick baby. all glassy-eyed and lethargic. this was the day he wound up in the hospital. poor guy couldn't stop throwing up. he broke my heart! 


 louisa turned 6 and rode the bus home from school today. oh my gorsh. yeah, i just said that. seriously, holy shavickities where is the time going? she also had her first slumber party. i am sure next week we will be picking out cars for her. we took her to disney for her birthday since she has wanted to go forever but we could never justify the cost on resident's salary. so, we went and i honestly think she had the time of her life. as i said, i will post about that trip probably next year when i sit down to blog again, but she absolutely loved it. she continues to be a handful, but not nearly as much as when she was younger. our major issues lately have been with her obsession to push the rules and see how far she can go with her boundaries and behavior. while it makes me absolutely insane and cuckoo nanas, i have to appreciate the fact that poor girl gets it honest. one day i will be so thankful that she has a mind of her own and wants to question things and stand up for herself and push to the extreme limits. but right now, i am still trying to figure out how to handle my behavior/thinking/action clone. miss independent plus mrs independent doesn't always equal a nice, even, pretty number. we are sometimes like two stubborn goats butting heads over and over and over again without wanting to back down. momma goat is trying her hardest to figure out the best way to show who's boss while still letting her baby be independent and think for herself without discouraging it. it wears me out.

she finally has a loose tooth. thank goodness for that too since the new one is already growing in behind it. yikes. and if there is one thing this momma doesn't do, it is loose teeth. i cannot stand a wiggly tooth. oh my word. i can lose my lunch just thinking about it. here's hoping daddy is always around for the ones that need to come out. gags.


pouty-mcpouterson herself. wonder where she got that from...
 
 

well, sitting down and blogging has been a great use of time. i don't feel as grumpy anymore, but i sure have a bad case of indigestion and sitting hunched over in this chair isn't making things pretty. maybe i will go sit on the screen porch and love a labrador. that always makes things better. 

 

but before i go, just a little peek into the shenanigans...

 
 i absolutely adore this picture. seriously, i love it.



3 comments:

The Bartons said...

Amy, I had the exact same day. So nice to read somebody else was "in the trenches" with me! My word, I seriously debated driving off and just going around in our neighborhood to get away from the screaming. But...didn't want the cops called on me ;)

B said...

Can't believe Louisa is 6!?! They are still cute as ever. Can't wait for Disney recap...it truly is magical experiencing it with your child!

Lindsey said...

happy to see you're hanging in there. totally, TOTALLY know what you are going through with nash. we have one of the same. matter of fact, i just did his two-year post. i feel like there's never a dull moment in this house. i know you feel the same. hope you are having a good day!